The holiday season has passed and it was a nice couple of days filled with Christmas cookies and socializing. Although, the holidays are very tough for me because I miss my dad and I wish he was here.
My dad was easily my best friend. He drove me to the bookstore, read the Harry Potter books to me before I slept, went to all of my school plays and he was the radio announcer at all my ice shows. My world changed in 2006 when I came home from a field trip and found out my dad had been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. Pancreatic cancer has one of the lowest survival rates. It’s also rather difficult to treat because surgery is out of the question. The pancreas is surrounded by the liver and the gall bladder so the metastasis rate is naturally high (metastasis = cancer spreading). My life with my dad was altered because instead of going to the park, we went to my dad’s chemo appointments. I would come home from school and see my dad bed ridden with his puke bucket by his side. The day that he was taken to the hospital for the last time is stuck in my memory. Before this I had never seen my mom cry but towards the end, I could see how much this hurt her. He died a year after his diagnosis. I look at how lucky I am that he survived a year. 9 years has passed since his passing and I still get triggered by various things. I will get emotional and just think about how much I miss him. I don’t think that feeling will ever go away because my dad was such an important part of my life and he still is. For those who know what it’s like going through the holiday season without a family member know this feeling.
Even though I miss my dad, I try to not let that affect my holidays. Christmas Eve is always spent with my mom’s side of the family. I love my mom’s side but every person who came over was at least 50+. Me and my brother were left out of conversations talking about “the old times”. I still ate a ton of Christmas cookies so it was a great time. Christmas is spent with my dad’s side and we go ice skating and eat a lot of food. As for presents this year, I am loaded on fuzzy socks, have gift cards to do some shopping with and I’m currently reading Firefight which I received this Christmas. Overall this holiday season was pretty great.