I mentioned this in a previous post, but 2024 will be a significant year. It will be the 10th Anniversary of dating and meeting my husband. It will also be the 10th Anniversary of starting Bizarre Brunette. If all of that wasn’t enough, I will be turning thirty. To help do a final send-off of my 20s, I wanted to share some of the life lessons I learned throughout this time of my life.

CW: Excessive drinking, body dysmorphia, and body insecurities.

It takes Two to Maintain a Friendship

I am incredibly fortunate when it comes to my friends. I have friends that I grew up with, friends I made in college, and friends I met through my hobbies along with attending conventions. While I have a great group of friends now, there was a time in my life when I struggled to make new friends.

In my freshman year of college, I met so many different people in a short amount of time. Most of the people that I initially met, they never developed into a lasting friendship. There were moments throughout my freshman and sophomore years when I felt lonely. I didn’t have anyone that I could text randomly to go do things with. In freshman year, there was one person who I instantly clicked with. She was geeky like me and we had similar interests. I was so excited to meet someone who I could talk comics with. I had noticed that I was the one putting in the effort to make plans. I decided to take a step back and stop being the one to engage first. Weeks went by and I didn’t hear from her. With that being said, we stopped being friends. Eventually, I did make a few close friends, so everything ended up working out in the end.

When I graduated from college, I naively assumed that all of my college friends would be my friends forever even though we weren’t in the same place or living together. I couldn’t have been more wrong. There was one friend that I tried to make time to see, but again, I always had to be the one to reach out. I haven’t talked to her since before the pandemic which feels like a lifetime ago. The final thing that formally ended our friendship was when she didn’t congratulate me on my engagement to my husband even though she was there when our relationship began. That’s how I knew our friendship was over.

I used to carry a lot of resentment when friendships ended and that isn’t mentally healthy for me. Instead, I am grateful for those friends at that time in my life. While those friendships won’t carry over into my thirties, I wish them well.

Sober Curious; Re-Evaluating My Drinking Habits

I always considered myself a responsible drinker. In college, I went to parties, but I never missed any classes due to being hungover. I had my moments as many college kids did, but I didn’t feel like it negatively impacted my life. After graduating from college, me and my friends would go out. We would go to bars or to various breweries and stay out late. I still didn’t feel like my drinking was out of control as I attributed it to being a social drinker.

When the pandemic hit, that’s when I started to first realize that maybe the way that I was drinking wasn’t good for me. Every Friday night during quarantine, I’d drink at home. Of course, it was never one drink. It ended up being 3 or 4 hard seltzers. I’d usually drink them while playing video games as I thought that served as a good distraction for this stressful time. On Saturday, I woke up with a slight headache. Once I had coffee and drank water, I was fine. After a few weeks of this, I forced myself to stop drinking on Friday and I thought that was the end of it.

When I reflect on both 2020 and 2021, I would have blips where I would drink too much. I wouldn’t be sick, but I would feel off the entire day. There was another moment in 2020 when I drank around coworkers. I ended up mixing an IPA with red wine which was clearly a mistake. The fact that this happened around coworkers at the time makes the story more embarrassing considering these were people that were on my team. Every time I think back to that moment, I visibly cringe. With these blips occurring, I still didn’t think that alcohol was a problem.

I had a wake-up call and that was The Winter Beer Dabbler in February 2022. It was extremely cold out, so I figured I’d just drink a lot and then I wouldn’t be cold anymore. Unsurprisingly, I ended up drinking quite a bit. Apparently, I fell in front of a DJ booth. To be fair, I slipped on ice, but alcohol made it worse. Once we got home, I disclosed a lot of personal insecurities to my husband while intoxicated. When I woke up the next morning, I didn’t remember telling my husband any of those things. It was like alcohol brought out all of these thoughts that I was trying so hard to bury. While this was not a great moment, it actually led to a great conversation between me and my husband that I think helped strengthen our marriage, it sucks that alcohol was involved in that.

After The Winter Beer Dabbler, I was sober for a full month. I understand that a month isn’t a long time, but for someone who was a regular social drinker, that felt like a substantial amount of time. In that month, I journaled and started being honest with myself about how I drank. It became clear to me that I had an unhealthy relationship with drinking. For example, I’d eat less if I knew I was going out. I justified it in my head as I’d be drinking my calories. As I talk about this now, that thought feels like the beginning of an eating disorder because I’m calculating out how to eat less to drink more. Additionally, I relied on alcohol to be a social crux. I wanted people to think that I was outgoing and fun to hang out with. Alcohol gave me that confidence instead of trying to find it myself.

Since The Winter Beer Dabbler, I have decreased the amount that I drink. I have eliminated alcohol from my weekly routine and I never drink at home. I find it easy to go weekends in a row without drinking. I’m much more satisfied with one drink at a time versus having 3 to 4 beers in one sitting. I am in a much better place with alcohol and I have a lot of good motivation to be sober more often than not.

I wanted to end with what motivates me to be sober. The first thing that has helped me is having a regular exercise routine. Every Saturday, I go to an 8:00 AM cycle class. The thought of drinking heavily on Friday to miss my cycle class on Saturday sounds unappealing. I find working out on the weekends especially has been beneficial. The second thing that has helped me is throwing myself into my hobbies. I have been playing video games more. I looked up the hours to an ice arena nearby as I’d love to get back into figure skating regularly. If that wasn’t enough, I looked up a few archery ranges as I’d love to learn how to shoot a bow. I am looking forward to the years ahead and I’m glad that I’m leaving some of these drinking habits in my twenties.

Traveling is a Privilege

When I was little, I used to write stories called “Amy’s Adventures.” I’d write about a young girl named Amy and how she would travel around the US. My dad used to pick up these U.S. state puzzle books where you could learn about a different US state and then the puzzles would reveal various facts about each state. I knew from a young age that I wanted to travel.

If there is anything that I have learned about traveling is that it’s a privilege to do so. To start off, it’s being able to financially afford to travel. When I started my first job out of college, there was no way that I could afford to travel overseas. The cost of airfare was intimidating and that’s not including lodging, souvenirs, food, drink, etc. I can easily say that this is the first time in my life that I have had the financial freedom to be able to plan more extensive vacations.

Besides the cost of travel, it’s having the opportunity to do so. I work full-time in an office which means I have PTO to use. I don’t travel for work, so all the travel that I do comes from my own personal vacations. When I was in college, there were study abroad programs, but none of them aligned with my degree. It would have been a trip, but it would have been disadvantageous if it would have delayed me graduating on time. I know of a few friends who after graduating from college, they traveled the world before getting a full-time job. That sounds lovely, but that’s not something I had the luxury of doing as I needed a job right out of college.

Traveling to Europe was a dream come true. I have always had London on the top of all of my travel lists. Seeing Iceland and Ireland was an added bonus. Traveling to Europe taught me a lot, especially how I liked to travel. We were gone two full weeks and it started to feel like a long time. It made me miss my day-to-day routine including working out and seeing Athena! I don’t know if I would enjoy being gone for a month or longer. Another thing that I learned from our trip to Europe was how much I put my self-worth into traveling. This is going to be a silly thing to admit, but I thought I would feel different after going to Europe. I accomplished this big dream that I have had and when we got back, I felt no different. I put so much stock into the places that I have been and how I felt ashamed to say that it took me so long to travel overseas. Seeing influencers on Instagram having the time of their lives, I was constantly comparing myself to them. They live an entirely different life than I do, however, it doesn’t make my life insignificant.

It feels cathartic to type out all of this because this is something that I have felt for a long time. In my thirties, I still want to travel, but I want to do it on my terms. I want to travel to places that I want to go to no matter what anyone else thinks. I want to cut the cord of tying my self-worth to my travel. I will always be passionate about travel, but I think I’m more practical than I was in the past. I’m going to set realistic travel goals, practice gratitude, and be fortunate that I was able to see all the places that I have seen.

Thrifting & Having Less Clothing, But Loving Everything I Wear

I love expressing myself in the way that I dress. I like dressing up a basic outfit with earrings or wearing a dress I feel confident in. I find joy in taking one of my geeky t-shirts whether it be Star Wars or Marvel and being able to style it in multiple ways. I think it’s fun to show off my personality in the things that I wear and it always tends to start conversations with people I didn’t know before.

In my early twenties, I used to revel in the fact that I owned a lot of clothing. I thought that the more clothing I owned, the more options I had. I liked the variety of wearing something different all the time. I used to spend so much money on new clothes, especially at Loft which used to be one of my all-time favorite stores. However, most of my clothing from Loft, I ended up donating a few years later. The quality at Loft is terrible now. I have had blouses that I bought that have shrunk, so now they are practically crop tops. There are pants that I bought where the button came loose. I have a dress that I can’t iron even though it’s wrinkly because it would fall apart if I did. It’s a shame that I used to spend so much on low-quality clothing.

During the pandemic, I ordered a lot of clothing online since I wasn’t able to go shopping in person. I found that I ordered clothing online and if it didn’t fit me or I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t return it because it would be an extra errand I have to make. It’s a shame because there are so many online boutiques I’d love to purchase from, but I know for a fact that online shopping doesn’t work for me. I need to be able to try something on and see how it fits.

Moving forward, I primarily do most of my shopping at Marshall’s. I usually spend 2-3 hours browsing the racks and trying things on. Most of the clothing that I have purchased at Marshall’s will last me for several years. I want to get back into thrifting. I used to go to Goodwill, but I found that most Goodwill locations nearby me removed their fitting rooms. Finally, I want to find new ways to wear some of my favorite pieces in my closet.

Using my Library Card!

I’m going to keep this short and simple; libraries are the best. There aren’t that many public places that you can go to without needing to spend money. Libraries give back to their communities and for many, libraries can be a safe space. One of my aunts is a retired librarian, so I always was reminded about how much libraries do with community building and education.

I’m looking forward to continuing to use my library card. I am someone who likes to have books on hold ahead of time, so I can quickly pick them up and take them with me. One of my favorite book bloggers, Nerdy By Nature, she posted on her Instagram about her library savings. She created an Excel chart of every book that she rented from the library and then looked up that book’s retail cost. She shared what her cost savings were by renting books from the library versus buying them. That is so creative! I decided that I would be doing that this year. I’m curious to see what my overall money savings are from all the books I plan on borrowing this year.

I liked being able to put this post together. I feel like I’m letting go of a lot of negativity and baggage that I carried in my twenties. I am ready to begin my thirties.