The Insecurity of Not Doing Enough

One bucket list item I haven’t achieved yet is leaving the United States. I have always wanted to travel to Europe, Australia, Japan and more. Travel is a huge passion of mine as I like to experience new places and go on mini adventures. The most difficult part for me to accept is the expense of travel and not being able to financially support the trips I want to do. The reason why I bring this up is I constantly think about how I’m not doing enough meaningful things in my life. When I think about this, it send me down a really dark hole.

Speaking of “dark holes” last night, I was researching buying a new smart phone because my current phone has screen issues. Looking at how much that would cost me was slightly disheartening. I would rather put that money to airfare or to an air B&B somewhere than spend it on a new phone. I also need new pairs of workout shoes as my other pair has holes in them. Workout shoes are also quite an expensive purchase. It’s thinking about all of these things I need at once and recognizing how I need to spend money on them instead of travel ideas.

When I reflect on my travel, I need to keep a couple things in mind. The first would be that all my trips have been self funded. I never got a “2,000” payment to go to Mexico for Spring Break while I was in college. I’m not trying to shame anyone; I’m happy you had that experience, however I’m proud to say I was able to travel all on my own. Another thing I have to be thankful for is that I’m here. Every day I hear of another school shooting or violent outburst. People are ripped from this planet at younger ages than I am. I’m sure they would want to be here going to work and spending time with loved ones while I’m over here complaining about my situation. I’m attempting to improve on this attitude I have that I’m not living a meaningful life.

The definition of meaningful is having a serious, important or useful quality or purpose. Even though I want to travel more, I could argue my life is meaningful every day. The impact I have with people I see week to week at my day job or continuing to support my mom by driving her to her dentist appointment. These are all important facets in my life. I’m sure I have an impact on many people I interact with, but I suddenly forget about that when I think of my travel plans.

I wanted to write this personal post because I figured I can’t be alone in this. I wanted to say, you’re enough. Every day is a blessing to have you on this planet. I need to remind myself of this more often as I want to remind my readers now. To anyone who took the time to read this whole post, I thank you. Without all of you, I wouldn’t be able to express my thoughts or feelings. Hopefully this post serves as a reminder, but also to say that if this is something you have been feeling too, you’re not alone.

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A year ago, I was celebrating Mother’s Day in Boston. A year later, I’m engaged and went to Harry Potter World. 

16 thoughts on “The Insecurity of Not Doing Enough

  1. I totally know what you mean. I constantly feel like I’m not making the most of my years as a young adult, but I know I’m basing it all off of people on the internet or people who value different things.
    Canada’s not that far; you should come see what your neighbours to the north have to offer!

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  2. I know exactly how you feel. I’m always worried I’m somehow behind in life, or I’m missing out on experiences other people seem to have constantly. I actually just came back from my first trip outside the country, and the only way I convinced myself to go was because my cousin worked for the airline, so it ended up not being too expensive. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this way!

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    • Well first of all, I’m so happy for you and your trip outside the country. I think that must have been an incredible experience. I think we are always so mean to ourselves and the use of social media probably increases this feeling of not doing enough. I’m glad we can bond over this common feeling, but you’re here on this earth for a reason.

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  3. I sometimes feel that it is easy for me to understand why it is we feel this way because of how I was brought up; we’ve all been brought up on this happy ideal of what we all should achieve, of what the perfect lifestyle is and what we should aim for in life. The problem is that it is all a load of hogwash! The people who are out there travelling, or doing whatever it is you want to be doing have gone through all the hard stuff (and will tell you as much) and have come out the other side.

    I don’t speak very often about how I was brought up because I feel a bit guilty to be honest. I was a middle class only child and my dad had his own business, so I was spoiled. Money wise I had everything I ever needed and while there was some rough patches (every business has them, plus the UK had a recession) we still managed because my dad has a great business mind. But he started from nothing, an east end kid from London in a large family who left school at 14 with no qualifications. So I quite literally know that people who ‘have everything’ have worked their asses off and I know that their families have paid the price along the way (money doesn’t buy everything, you see).

    So yeah, in this TMI essay my point is that you will get there. One day you will travel, and your life is already having an impact without you even realising it – I can attest to that because every time you comment on my blog entries it makes me smile, it makes me feel like what I’m doing is worth while. I’m sure others will say the same too ❤

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    • Aww ❤ ❤ Well I love all the content you produce which is why I comment on your posts.

      I really appreciate the honesty in your response. Again, I'm glad that you had mostly what you needed growing up.

      I think you make a great point in the sense on how we impact people in more ways than just traveling the world.

      Thank you for your kind response.

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  4. I understand how you feel. I also feel like I’m not doing enough and never did enough. I see other people I went to college with traveling and working somehow at the same time. I graduated and I went straight into working because I can’t afford to do anything else but just work all day. It sucks, because by the time I get home I’m to drained from having to work all day (even though my work is just computer work and not as bad as other people’s jobs) to write up a blog post or do anything but watch Youtube videos all night.

    I have to remind myself that all my hardwork now will pay off in due time and that eventually I’ll be able to travel the world and not have to worry about not being able to put gas in my car or miss a bill because of it.

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    • You and me are in the same boat. I literally started my full time job the Monday after my internship from college ended. I also agree how sometimes it’s the time of life. We are both starting our professional careers so we won’t be making the most right off the bat.

      Thanks for your honesty. I wish you all the best and also remind you that it will pay off and you’re doing great.

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  5. I can totally relate to this! I sometimes feel like I’d rather spend my money on experiences instead of necessity items. Took me forever to buy myself a new pair of gym shoes 😅

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  6. I can really relate to this. I’m constantly having those doubts about the difference between where I am and where I think I should be (or where I thought I would be by now). I’d also love to travel but right now I have to work, save and still buy the necessities or things I need/want to make life a bit easier or more enjoyable.

    One day you will travel and when you are travelling it will be worth the wait.

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    • I have to keep reminding myself that I’m still new to my professional career (I have been working 2 years post graduating from college) which means I still haven’t built up a lot of job experience yet. I know that the more experience I build, the more money I could make which means I could have more disposable income for travel.

      I’m glad I’m not alone in this.

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