CW: Suicide, depression, death of an animal. None of these will be expanded upon in detail in this post, but more for a forewarning to the content of The Midnight Library.

While at a friend’s cabin this past weekend, I finished The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. This book had been on my Goodreads to-be-read shelf for years. It’s highly rated with an average 4.0 star rating from other readers. I am in the minority because while I’m glad I read this, I didn’t love it. I had expectations of what I wanted this book to be and those expectations let me down. Instead of writing a traditional book review, I wanted to expand upon some of the themes that were brought up in The Midnight Library.

The Midnight Library centers on Nora Seed. Nora is depressed and after a series of events, she’s committed to ending her life. Nora is suddenly transported to a library where each book within the library represents a different life path for her. For every book she picks up, she sees how her life is different. In one book, she’s an Olympic swimmer. In another, she’s a glaciologist in the Arctic. If Nora is unhappy, she is pulled out of the book and back to the library. With Nora’s reality coming to fruition, Nora must figure out what she wants before it’s too late.

I thought long and hard about this. If I ended up at The Midnight Library, I would not want to view other versions of my life. I am happy with my life. I have an amazing husband, I have several hobbies I balance, and I find joy in simple things like exercising regularly or playing video games. I have a good group of friends from different social circles. I have had several opportunities to travel to bucket list places which I feel fortunate to have been able to do. I don’t think there is such a thing as the perfect life and I wouldn’t trade my life or experiences for anything else.

Throughout the book, Nora has a “Book of Regrets” and that helps Nora figure out which books to choose. Her regrets are: quitting swimming, not going to school to become a glaciologist, quitting a band, and choosing to not marry a man she was in a long-term relationship with. I was thinking about what my version of regrets would be. If I had to pick, I think mine would be: quitting figure skating lessons, not being able to study abroad in college, not finding the time to play the alto-sax, and choosing a different major in college.

I chose to quit figure skating for a few reasons. Figure skating reminded me of my dad and that’s tough when I was navigating the grief I felt after he passed. I will always be passionate about figure skating and I still skate to this day. When the weather is chillier, I want to go to open skating at the local ice arena in my area. Studying abroad in college would have been awesome. However, I was already behind in my degree since I switched majors. Additionally, I didn’t have the money to study abroad. All my international traveling has been post-college and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Funding my own trips has made me appreciate traveling so much more. I played the Alto-Sax in both high school and college. I quit playing because the Anatomy classes I needed overlapped with Band. I am proud of myself for trying Band in college though. It made me a better musician in many ways I wouldn’t have predicted. My Alto-Sax is at my mom’s house. Part of me wants to pick it up and play it. I don’t think I can part with it permanently. The final “regret” is choosing a different major in college. In my professional life, I’m not using my degree. I wish I would have done a more generic degree versus something so specific. Going to college was life-changing for me in many ways and I learned so much about myself. I wouldn’t be the person I am without my time at Winona State University.

I am glad I read The Midnight Library even though I didn’t love the book. This book made me think and reflect on my own life based on what Nora learned about hers. I wouldn’t change anything in my life and it makes me appreciate every memory, hardship, and moment I won’t take for granted.